April 20, 2018
Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. – Jesus
Moving from a 5-bed/4 bath, 3-story home into a 2-bed/2-bath apartment has certainly been an adjustment. We knew that living in such a small space with two little children would mean close quarters for everyone, but we were just so worn out from maintaining the larger home. Four toilets to clean is four too many. So far we are weathering the changes well. The kids are doing well with sharing a room and Fox and I are learning how to share a closet (for the first time in our 8 years of marriage!). All in all, we are happy to have less space to clean and more time for things we actually enjoy. But last night came with some unexpected disadvantages…
Since moving in we quickly noticed our downstairs neighbors are loud, often unhappy, and night-owls. Not the best combination for apartment neighbors, but that just comes with the territory, right? I have yet to meet them, but Fox ran into the wife when he took the kids to the communal playground. Apparently, she didn’t say much to them other than mentioning that her husband is a pastor. That became glaringly obvious last night when we became an unwillingly audience to their latest argument.
From 11pm to 1am they screamed at each other. At one point the husband hypocritically bellowed, “You do not yell at me!” As annoying as a midnight round of verbal wrestling is, what left me completely unsettled and unable to sleep was the fact that they were yelling scripture at each other. Back and forth, from Isaiah to the New Testament, they kept spitting venom-laced verses at each other. I could not make out everything, but I definitely heard the husband shout, “It says in the Bible you are to SUBMIT to me!” and later the wife screeched “Stop calling me the devil!” At this point, doors were slamming and children were crying. Finally I heard another neighbor begging them to stop.
Awkward to say the least.
Now this brings up two issues for me. The first is, at what point do I have a moral/ethical/social obligation to intervene? When does this cross over from an annoying argument to a dangerous situation that needs outside help? It crossed my mind to go down there, ask them to be quiet, and make sure everything and everyone was okay, but then I got scared of putting myself into a violent scenario. But should I have gone? Should I try to reach out to the wife at some point? Do I report this to our apartment management? And if it happens again, does it warrant calling law enforcement? Or do I just get some ear plugs and let them live their lives? I am genuinely perplexed in the best way to handle this and would appreciate any input as to what you would have done in this situation.
The second, and much bigger, issue I have with this is using scripture in this manner. Don’t misunderstand me: I am a believer and follower of Jesus and I often look to the Bible for encouragement and guidance. Christianity in its purest form is based on faith, hope, and love. So to pick and choose scripture, the words and teachings of Christ Himself, to back up your hate-filled arguments? Uh, no thank you very much, sir. Jesus commands in Matthew 22 to love your neighbors as yourself and, as a literal neighbor in this scenario, I did not get the sense that was happening. And let’s be clear on that submission verse: We are called to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Paul then goes on to say that wives are called to submit to their husbands just as husbands are called to love their wives. It’s safe to say there wasn’t much submission or love coming from Apartment 104 last night.
St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the gospel at all times and, when necessary, use words.” Solid advice. I would add to that- “Live the gospel at all times and, if you have to screech it in the middle of the night, you might be doing it wrong.”
Also, can anyone recommend a good white noise machine?
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